The Phases of Decluttering

It's been a while, I realize, since I have last posted. Three months to be exact, but I've been on a truly life changing journey of many ups and downs.

Since the last time I blogged, I found myself in a dark place. I had been rejected by every internship I applied to, I was clueless of my purpose and I was ever more scared about my future.

I felt like a failure, so I decided to go on a voyage.

Danny Kaye once said, "To travel is to take a journey into yourself." I don't think anyone could have phrased it better. For a little over a month, I found myself in my definition of a utopia, a famous city you may know by the name of Rio de Janeiro.

It was absolute paradise. I learnt um pouco de portuguese, indulged in fantastic food, exercised regularly, read endlessly and even went outside my comfort zone and meet amazing people in the process.

After my almost amazing month in Rio, I came back to America more determined than ever. I knew I was going to be successful. I strengthened my walk with God, and fueled by His courage and power I applied to every internship I could get my hands on, and landed two great internships: One with Course Hero and another with a local startup called Broke Compass (which you should not only download but also follow on both Twitter, @BrokeCompassApp and Instagram @Broke_Compass). I was persistent and that lead to success.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a smooth ride and not everything is crystal clear and perfect at this moment. I still have my doubts, I fall down constantly and I continue to question. But I feel like I have a direction.

Which leads me to the decluttering.

Lately I have been feeling utterly stuffed, physically and mentally. It wasn't until this morning, when I was inspired by a Good Morning America segment, that I realized how my "hoarding," messiness and consumption habits had a direct correlation to my stuffy sentiments. According the the KonMari method, decluttering and getting rid of things that don't "spark joy" in your life with simultaneously improve your well-being.

So I've decided to take a stance and clean up my surroundings to improve my mind, body and soul.

Hence, I would like to introduce you to the Life Detox, a rough phase by phase plan created for myself that I would like to share with you all. This is a journey I feel I need to take in order to mature as a growing woman (I'm 21 after all). Looking back, I realize that most of my problems sparked the moment I was disorganized and surrounded by a lot of useless stuff, and it's only until know that I realize my mums nagging of "limpia, organiza y levanta tus cosas," finally hit me.

So here we go, are you ready to DETOX?!

Below find a little diagram I have created to highlight the steps of my Life Detox. Feel free to include more steps in the blank spaces surrounding the phase bubbles. What would you add to this diagram? Let me know! I would love to hear your thoughts.

The key to this process is to listen to yourself. Do what feels right for you. Go as quickly or as slowly as you need to. Get rid of the things that you know don't make you feel good and ignore other peoples thoughts. I've provided you with the skeleton, it's now your turn to create the rest.

When the answer is no

The worst thing about my current situation is that it was all my fault.

Rejection. The one word in the english language that carries emotional weight. The one word we all share the same fear of.

Yet, it plagues everything we do from the moment we are born.

Rejection goes hand in hand with judgment. Judgement of whether we are good enough for the job, the university, that boy, the program, the contest, the mortgage etc.

Judgement creeps into every day of our lives. Judgment is what holds us back, what can cause us to freeze, what can determine the future.

We are all judging.

Judgement also has two outcomes, acceptance or rejection.

Not much thought is giving to acceptance except pure joy. There is nothing wrong with joy. It is the best feeling anyone can feel.

Rejection is the disease. The one that comes with a truckload of negative emotions.

Defeat, sadness, frustration, guilt, shame. It even loops back to judgment of one's self.

I was judged and rejected, and it didn't matter what I had judged the situation to be.

So, I sat for the past few days in a roller coaster of emotions. Praying that the negative baggage would disappear, and I could move forward. There were moments when I did, and I had hopes for the future.

But it all just came crashing down at once. One moment, everything was great. I had acceptance, the judgment forces were in my favor. But in a matter of three days, that radiant energy was destroyed.

Then came the moments when I just needed to cry. Is there something wrong with that?

I can't let the "no," the rejection and the feelings take over. It's cliche, but when on door closes, others do open, even if multiple doors have been closed and you are left with nothing.

Furthermore, energy cannot be created or destroyed. That's the first thing we all learn in physics. So there is still that radiant energy somewhere inside me. I just have to move on from the negative, and ask God for strength and assurance.

When the answer is no, all we can do is move forward. It's okay to cry a little, but it is a sign that something better is coming.

When there is judgment, there is hope.

I think I'm in Love

It was love at first sight. The stupid kind of love. The kind of love that is based solely on physical attraction.

Yet, I also felt this electric connection between us. It wiggled through the air and into my heart. It might have been invisible, and it might have been only one way, but I feel those stomach fluters swarming in.

I can't stop thinking about him. I feel cursed because though the thoughts bring smiles, it's frustrating and helpless.

I may never see him again. I may be too shy to talk to him, but like many love songs, there was something about him.

Is conflict worth it?

"What is the point of having a conflict if we are all going to die anyways?" - Mohamed Nasheed

In the midst of our world destruction, we can find unexpected leaders that seem to view the world correctly.

#fearlesslybadass

The collateral damage of my self-devised stress is truly damaging.

Hello head, its me again trying to manipulate emotions.

If you are lost with what I am saying, I can assure you that it makes two of us. I am utterly lost for words at my own illogical reasoning.

I spent all of today arguing with myself about a silly question I had to enquire. Which led to a fully avoidable binge of popcorn, cookies, more cookies, pasta and cookies.

Damn you chocolate. Last week I was vexing at you, and today I continue to do just that. 

That silly question that I had to ask seriously had me over analyzing everything too. I, shamefully, admit that I turned to the art of paper tossing to decide if I should make my move. I wrote "yes" on one scrap of paper and "no" on another and jumbled them around. I secretly wanted the "yo," a fusion of "yes" and "no." Of course that option was not available and fate gave me "yes."

I took this as a sign of I should ask, and I closed my eyes and asked. My heart fluttered, stumbled, and I may have puked a little, but I asked.

Then I proceeded to throw my phone as far away as possible. And now I sit here hyperventilating and wondering if this is actually worse than the initial asking.

…..15 minutes later…

Honestly, waiting really was horrible. But now that I have finally received my answer, though I can hardly breath, I couldn't be happier. I took the initiation and now I feel like I can take over the world. The purpose is back and I am unstoppable.

I most likely will not sleep tonight, but I want to leave you with a piece of advice that helped me pull myself back up from the ledge: Stop fearing shit. It only stops you from doing things you want to do.

Chocoholites Epidemic

Is it the heat of the burning July sun or the muggy air of our window unit that is making me crave chocolate all night long?

Either way I caved.

I sit here in the aftermath of my chocolate gorge, and simply wonder who really was that chocoholic ghost that overtook me momentarily.

And now I feel like a zombie with chocolate tainted fingers, but I do not regret a single chocolate bite.

I am truly flabbergasted at the power chocolate can have on a person. As a self declared chocoholic, I see others who suffer from this delectable disease. I see them eat multiple chocolates in one sitting, I see them fill their shopping carts with only chocolate products and I see them eat the whole Nutella jar with only a spoon.

And although I do not have scientific data to proclaim this, chocoholites exist.

Chocoholites is triggered by the consumption of any chocolate product. As mentioned, I do not hold the top secret records that indicate the exact ingredient in chocolate, but consumption of anything chocolate flavored will cause the victim to want more.

Fortunately some people are immune to this, but they are rare species. They are those weird ones, that perhaps we envy, who can take a bite of chocolate and be done. They can eat one m&m and move on with their lives. I am actively researching what their magic power is.

And then there is the 1%. No, this is not the Occupy Wall Street-ers, these are those people who hate chocolate. They cannot even eat its unsavory counterpart, white chocolate, because they don't care for chocolate. I am baffled by this species, in particular I sometimes sit and wonder for hours with my jar of Nutella, 'how are they still alive?'

From all of my personal research I can safely conclude that most of us hold a gene that craves chocolate. Located in our taste buds, it yearns for this delicacy. So if you find yourself overindulging in chocolate, just know you are not alone and that this is not your fault. Chocoholites is a true epidemic. It has no cure, except to give in.

Yes my friends, indulge.

Fort Dry

I woke up determined. Determined to be productive today, determined to do laundry.

Lets be honest, I hate doing laundry. Its a tedious chore, but I was already using the other side of my underwear…

What's even worse is the fact that I can hardly call doing laundry a chore while I am staying in a dorm. Laundry has all of a sudden become an expedition of collecting quarters and gambling on laundry machines that won't my hard earned quarters.

Unfortunately today I had a dead hand.

There I was, somewhat sweaty (from frantically running around the city for quarters) but positively determined to complete my laundry in less than two hours, hassle free.

Yet the devious machines had different plans, and after losing 3 quarters I was finally able to start two machines with just enough money for drying.

Twenty minutes later I found myself in a one sided slap battle between me and the voracious drying machine.

Yes that greedy dryer ate ALL my coins.

I was livid, but what could I do? I was alone in laundry desert.

I returned to my room quietly cursing the chore of laundry and the fact that clothes are indispensable.

(But seriously, take a moment to consider disposable clothes? Clothes would be biodegradable and you could just chuck out the window. It could even act as a fertilizer for the plants! Think of all the water we could save too! )

I could only feel sorry for myself for so long after all, today was supposed to be productive. So naturally, I turned my room into Fort Laundry. Hanging from pipes, doors, door knobs and even drawers, hung all of my laundry.

I felt as if I had conquered the machines. Who needed them when I could dry my clothes the old fashion way?

Well perhaps when the colonist were drying their clothes outside it was more windy. Right now, I find myself lounging on some damp covers.

Perhaps Ill catch a cold, or freeze all night, but at least I am able to say, those laundry machines were no match for me!